We All Need Jesus But A Little Therapy Won’t Hurt
“You have a lot of issues. You need therapy.”
These words were said to me by a “friend” of mine some time ago. As you can probably imagine, these words didn’t just hit me across the face like a fluffy pillow. No. They stabbed me straight in my chest. These words twisted around my insecurities the deeper the knife went. How could someone who was supposed to be my friend, say something like that to me? He doesn’t know about the pain I went through; the hours of counseling I sat in, the therapy sessions. He doesn’t know that I’ve been in and out of therapy sessions my whole life trying to unlearn trauma from my childhood. He doesn’t know that I needed to enter myself into a program to get my life straight. He doesn’t know that back in 2007, I left my home, my friends, my church, my school; he doesn’t know that I left everything to go live in another state so I can attend a program for At-Risk teenagers. He doesn’t know that if it wasn’t for this program, I wouldn’t be sitting here, right now, writing this.
Counseling never worked for me until I was 17 years old. I never fully gave therapy a chance until I was staring death straight in the face. I remember it like it was yesterday. My first day in Vermont. My mom heard of a program that catered to At-Risk teenagers, and she strongly felt that God was leading her here for me. To be honest with you, at first, I didn’t care where my mom thought God was leading her. He wasn’t about to lead me anywhere that I didn’t want to be. After a seven-hour drive, I found myself sitting in an office, staring at the wall. I took a personality test (similar to a Myers Briggs) and patiently awaited the results. An hour had gone by before I started to get soft. I guess that was when God saw fit to use that as an opportunity to work on me. I began to replay my life over in my mind and asked myself one question. If I leave here, where will I be six months from now? Not knowing the answer to that question scared me more than anything. So, as I sat in the office, I began to make a deal with God.
“God, my life is falling apart here and to be honest, if I leave here, I may not make it to see my 18th birthday. I’ll stay here if you promise to save my life.”
Shortly after I said those words, the president of the program called me into his office to read me my results. As he read off my results, I was beside myself. Thirty minutes, sitting in this man’s office and he knew more about me than my family did, my entire life. He told me how I strived for perfection in everything and why. He told me about how deep my wounds get when I get cut, even if it’s a scrape. He told me about how my view of the world through eyes of pain gave me an understanding and a compassion that’s not privy to everyone, and all of that gave me hope. I knew that God heard me and that He saw me. A week later, I said goodbye to my friends and everything I knew to spend a year and two months in another state to work on my mountain of emotional issues. Being in this program was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It forced me to look at the deeper issues that were affecting me more than I cared to admit. I remembered things I didn’t want to, and I had to face things that left me in tears for days. I was emotionally stripped, spiritually naked and left to hang vulnerably, but I was never alone. God was cleaning my house, removing dry bones from my closet, and He was dressing my wounds. I remembered things that I blocked out of my mind for so long. Things that I completely forgot about. I remember sitting in the office of my counselor one day, covered in snot and tears. With tissues practically up to my eyeballs, she told me that I needed to forgive the people in my life that had extremely hurt me and left me with the deepest scars. I didn’t know that forgiveness wasn’t limited to just the people you encounter every day in your life. I didn’t know that forgiveness even extends toward the people that are no longer a part of it. I didn’t know that forgiveness boiled down to just one simple choice. I didn’t fully understand that forgiveness is more about you than it is about anyone else.
“That’s great, Aiyanna. That’s a cute story, but this whole counseling thing–it’s not for me. I don’t need help. All I need is Jesus.”
You may be right. I don’t know a lot of things. I don’t know what you’ve been through, I don’t know the amount of pain you’ve had to carry or the memories you’ve had to force yourself to “forget”. I don’t know about the times you may have tried or the nights where you’ve prayed prayers to a seemingly silent God. I don’t know your story, but I do know mine and I do know that God does not remain silent. God is in the business of people and you, my friend, are one of them. The most beautiful thing is that God uses people to bring healing to you in the most unimaginable of ways. I think a lot of times we expect God to act like Thanos and snap our problems away, but it doesn’t work like that (how amazing it would be if it did). Instead, He chooses to come close to us, by sitting with us in sessions, by talking with other people, sharing our mess. It’s uncomfortable–yes. It asks for a vulnerability that’s scary and painful–yes. But that’s where we grow. That is where we heal. And then, maybe, one day we can have the strength to turn around and do for someone else what was done for us. Extend a hand towards freedom. All these years and I’ve learned three things: Forgiveness brings healing. Healing brings peace. Peace brings freedom.
Yes. All we need is Jesus. But a little counseling won’t hurt either.