Sex In Marriage: What Does It Look Like?
Sex is one of the most coveted and desirable things amongst man. It is the ultimate spiritual transfer that binds husband and wife together in body, soul and spirit. Although it’s biblical intention is for husband and wife, the perversion of sex has altered its initial purpose. In American culture, sex is everywhere — on television, in books, on advertisements, and easily accessible through the phones in our pockets. Whether it be expressed implicitly or explicitly, it burns images in both our subconscious and conscious mind that creates an expectation of what it should and shouldn’t be. The problem with that expectation is that it often goes verbally unexpressed until it’s time to perform the act.
In Hebrews 13:4 it states “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Gods word doesn’t give us instructions on what sexual acts are acceptable to perform and which aren’t, but the word makes it clear that sex and marriage are exclusively designed for a husband and wife. It’s interesting how some of the minute details surrounding sex in marriage aren’t mentioned in scripture, it’s almost as if God intends for husbands and wives to have healthy dialogue around the topic, exploring what sexual purity within marriage looks like together.
If you ask me, I think that sex in marriage is a way to serve each other. 1 Corinthians 7:4 states “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” This scripture implies that within marriage we surrender the authority of our bodies over to our spouse, suggesting that I need to learn how to steward her body and she would have to learn how to steward mine. Before the act of sex, I think that it’s healthy to explore each others sexual history, discussing things like: the first time you were exposed to sex and what it was like for you, the first time you had sex (if at all), your positive and negative experiences with it, apprehensions to sex, addictions to sex and so on. I think transparent discussions on the topic have great potential to make hidden expectations visible or potentially confirm what you’ve seen or thought. These conversations also allow you the ability to acquire enough knowledge to prepare you for the stewardship of each others bodies.
Although sex can be one of the greatest acts of physical freedom, the fruit of self control needs to be consciously implemented, even within marriage. I read this book sometime ago called “The Purity Principle” from Randy Alcorn and in it he compared sex to a fire in a fireplace. He said that “As long as a fire is contained in the fireplace, it keeps you warm. But if the fire is “set free,” the house burns down.” This shows that what God created for immense good can also do great damage if used outside of Gods original design and intent. To me this includes, threesomes, creating videos for others to indulge in, sex with animals, and even sex without consent. Implementing self control in sex under the marriage covenant can keep the marriage holy. I believe that married couples have to continue to keep God as the center and not get lost in sex using it as a God “replacement”.
In our culture, sex is so abused that it’s sometimes given the same importance as breathing air. Without biblical and spiritual guidance, it’s easy to fall within those same traps of thinking, allowing the fire of sex to burn us alive instead of allowing it to keep us warm and cozy. Sex within marriage only looks pure if God is in the center of it.